"Ten Things I've Done That I Wish I Hadn't"

(prompt from Creativity Portal's Imagination Prompt Generator)

--Invaded Paraguay. I don’t have an army! What was I thinking? Stupid, stupid.
--Crystal meth
--Let myself be crowned Queen of the Gypsies. Ah, but it was sweet while it lasted.
--Robbed the Danville train
--That bukkake film. I was neither young nor hungry.
--Joined MENSA. We are such a pack of insufferable jerks.
--Eaten two yards of plow rein on a bet. The doctors are sure I’ll never pass the buckle, but they take a series of unpleasant X-rays every year to be sure, and air travel isn’t worth the trouble anymore.
--Watched Eraserhead on acid
--Dropped a goat off the frathouse roof. Nobody will believe it was already dead.
--Gotten tattooed. 4-EVAH is a lot longer than I thought.