Wednesday, December 29, 2010

"Seven Things that Make a Library Good"

(don't remember where I got this prompt)
  • The smell
  • The secret room in back where, if you know somebody, they let you stash other peoples’ horrid children.
  • The ghostly procession of Civil War soldiers that rides through every public library east of the Mississippi each Wednesday at 2 a.m.
  • They let me sleep there.
  • They way the poetry books swoon out of the cases if they think you might pick them up and read them.
  • The basement. If you joined your local Friends of the Library you might find out what I’m talking about.
  • An adult-sized ball pit helps.

Monday, December 27, 2010

"Ten Things I've Done That I Wish I Hadn't"

(prompt from Creativity Portal's Imagination Prompt Generator)

--Invaded Paraguay. I don’t have an army! What was I thinking? Stupid, stupid.
--Crystal meth
--Let myself be crowned Queen of the Gypsies. Ah, but it was sweet while it lasted.
--Robbed the Danville train
--That bukkake film. I was neither young nor hungry.
--Joined MENSA. We are such a pack of insufferable jerks.
--Eaten two yards of plow rein on a bet. The doctors are sure I’ll never pass the buckle, but they take a series of unpleasant X-rays every year to be sure, and air travel isn’t worth the trouble anymore.
--Watched Eraserhead on acid
--Dropped a goat off the frathouse roof. Nobody will believe it was already dead.
--Gotten tattooed. 4-EVAH is a lot longer than I thought.

The Ten Least Worky Things I Ever Got Paid to Do

This one is straight--I mean I didn't make any of these up.

1) Hold my hand very still just like that for about 20 minutes (hand model).
2) Splash around in a swimming pool and lie in the sun for much of a weekend (sunscreen tester).
3) Dress up like Elvira for two hours for a rich couple's Halloween party.
4) Draw a coupla cartoons for a newsletter.
5) Be a test subject for the Psych department.
6) Juggle at a kid’s birthday party.
7) Act.
8) Look after horses.
9) Model for a painting class.
10) Teach creative writing.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Of Course This Shows Up Now

Things to name a list blog
Our Listigious Society
Listing to Port
The Imperial Basilist
Neolistic Era
Eight or Nine Things I Don't Know for Shit
Lister and the Phenols

Friday, December 17, 2010

"Name Five Things In Your Refrigerator"

(I don't remember where this prompt came from.)

In my refrigerator the butter compartment is named Margie Sue;
The low-fat mayonnaise is named Butch;
The Romaine lettuce is called Spiky McGonagall;
The crisper drawer is Esmerelda Contusion; and
The dill pickle chips are named “Biff” Nisker. Yes, every one of them. Yes, it’s confusing for them.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

"Your Favorite Cooking Ingredients"

[same source as the last list]

1) Swiss chard
2) Thallium
3) Pop Rocks
4) Angel flakes
5) Whole goat
6) Organic despair
7) Armadillo cubes
8) Packing peanuts
9) Thread
10) Lurve

Sunday, December 12, 2010

"Ways the Full Moon Affects Your Behavior"

(List prompt from Segalove and Velick's List Your Self) My ten:

1) I wear my shoes on my hands
2) I can't stand the smell of dairy products
3) I have visions of a world identical to this one but without clouds
4) I steal horses
5) I troll werewolf chatrooms for the lulz
6) I dream of taking up serpents
7) I get religion, but nowhere to put it
8) Everything tastes like cumin
9) Crows follow me around
10) Something gets pierced

Saturday, December 11, 2010

“The most important things in a relationship”

My ten:

1) His mother’s heart in a jar of Formalin

2) Her father’s scalp, properly tanned. Ladies, you can’t just hang this out to dry and expect it not to stink up the bedroom!

3) A seine for night fishing

4) Introducing the significant other to dead ancestors. That’s whether you intend to get married or not. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

5) Same eye color yes, same blood type never.

6) Gray gloves. The white ones won’t do.

7) Tiny bicycles, and plenty of them. The red ones that come in a plastic tub of 200.

8) An unbelievable number of vaccinations.

9) A fundamental disagreement around which the relationship will twine and grow.

10) A strict policy, agreed upon in advance, for handling pregnancy, evil spirits or the discovery of a wheat penny.

Item One

I like making goofy lists, especially in response to creative writing prompts. I hope other people do too.